Search for truth in Life

pc2 977     Upon changing my point of view… I began to realize, I could now see life from a new perspective. It tasted like joy, and felt similar to the dreams I once owned as a child. I enforced the thought, that I controlled my happiness. And the future was before me, I just had to choose the path. A release of all the darkness & pain… I wanted to live again, and share my experiences with those who are passionate about the collective ideas that life was beautiful. I longed to be free and distance myself from all that was thought to be “normal”.pc2 969

     Through this choice, I found that Inspiration can come in many forms… I was inspired by my own motivation to fill the void that lived so long in my heart. Touching bottom, I realized there was no place to go but up. And I was positive, I wouldn’t remain a bottom feeder. Picking myself back up, I discovered someone who could be proud of me… The answer was ME!  Realization overwhelmed my thought that life is beautiful, and loving yourself is special. Especially when you feel no one else does. I had decided that I would exist for me. And to motivate  myself to be happy, touch lives and smile for no reason.
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“The Jewel is in the Lotus”- Meaning the Jewel being happiness, and the Lotus being the world around you…
     I’d be lying if I said it was easy for me. You see, to some people the simplest thing in the world, is the hardest thing to do. It took years to change my perspective on life. To find an inner peace that would let me be satisfied with who I am. The journey is long, and hard. And honestly, I’m still in the midst of this journey,  I may never reach the destination. But I will learn everyday about myself, I will educate others on the process of finding happiness, and I will follow this path until my heart feels content. Reaching out, I will find my way…pc2 2554
“Long is the way and hard, that out if Hell leads up to light” – John Milton
     You can read about my personal struggles in this page soon, when I start to add my poetry to it. And I will always write about and include my triumphs and failures. As well as my aching desire attain my goals. My adventures, travels and life destinations… I am always willing to share my love and passion for the outdoors with others willing to read it. Please, feel free to comment, I am inspired and motivated to write more when this happens.
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“You can be motivated by success as well as failure” -Sasha Digiulian
     It’s sad that we have to make simple mistakes in life in order to learn how to live… We speak angry words of distention in bitter revenge, only to regret these moments once we see the entire picture. A choice dropped on a whim, actions we can’t take back. But later beg for forgiveness, realizing the loss belongs with us. We have no choice, but to move forward along a new, different path. Embracing the lessons we’ve learned, with hope we never duplicate our mistakes. And choose to believe that something good will spawn from these actions. Lost as we are, we discover an amazing new being. The truth is what now leads us on… Be the past, buried in a memory.
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     I had begun to climb again…

Choose Life

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Upon my descent down, I reminisced with the sunset. Old memories rushing through my mind. Faces and places, cherished thoughts fading into my history. I remembered smiles, and tears. I was reminded of laughter shared through someone else’s joy, but mostly of the sadness that grew daily in my heart. I contemplated the future, and where it would take me. I longed to travel to reach for the unobtainable, to live as the careless lived.

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     I thought about going back to school, obtaining a degree. I thought of my career path, and working for the future. And of my family, and the ones that would miss me… But the truth was, I didn’t care about any of that. I mean, not enough to continue sacrifice. I had sacrificed my entire life, for what others had wanted, needed. I concluded, now was the time for me to be selfish, to give back to me… And for the first time I knew I wanted to disappear. Fade into a life extraordinary. One where few knew me, and no one knew anything about me. And the ones who did know me, knew little of where i was, or where I am going. A life where freedom ruled, and existence became breathing for want, not need. I had finally chosen to live… The way I always wanted to live.
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     I was dying, everything around me was dying. And I would die alone… For the first time, I realized I wanted to be alone… Forever. Companionship was nice, though connection became few and fleeting. And the memories became just that, memories. For I had given up on the past, I had moved into and embraced my future, my fate. The forever sleep, forgotten in the loneliness of my heart. The decision had been made, to leave behind the emptiness, and move forward with each new day.
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     That was 2 years ago. The summer I released my pain, and forgave the insults that had been laid upon my heart. It was a life choice. An acceptance of fate, and promise. Destined to walk in solitary, searching for the freedom I had so longed for. I would finally break the monotony of my being, and start living. At that moment, I chose life…
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     I finished my descent in the dark, nothing but my head lamp to light my way. The darkness can be extremely comforting. It gives the loneliness perspective, when your heart reaches out for the light. The hike that had taken roughly 2 hours to reach the top, took less than 1/2 hour to reach the bottom. And I came away with second chance at life.
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     At the moment, I’m just chasing time. Waiting for that precise hour when I take the dream, and make it a reality.  Until then, I’ll slowly reach for short-lived versions of this imagination. And experience life in tiny bursts of purity. Remember, the journey is at times, more important than the destination.pc2 3294

Winter ORshow products & Adventures

I admit, in my youth I was very narrow-minded when it came to outdoor gear. I had the certain brand of shoes I climbed with, used the same tent for over a decade, and have been hiking in the same Nike trail runners for the past 5 years.

And though all the brands I had become addicted to worked great, I’ve come to realize, trying new stuff is not only essential, but fun.  New technology is being developed everyday, and the outdoor industry is so competitive…  You gotta stay on top of things, or you’ll be left behind.

So my recent visit to the winter ORshow has me wanting to replace all my climbing gear, hit the trail to try out my new hiking boots, and purchase more gear that i probably don’t need, but really, really want.  Here is a short product review on a few of the items I saw and some that I actually got the pleasure to use…snowyday 121

Hydro Flask- Great new double wall insulated, vacuum sealed water bottles.  We were given one of these for going on a Snow shoe that Shawn from Teton Sports had organized.  And though this water bottle was given to me, it did nothing to sway my opinion of it.  I actually did my own personal test between my Klean Kanteen and the Hydro Flask.  Both started with 170* water from my coffee pot, placed outside my back door into a 27* winter day.  After 2 hours the Hydro Flask was 10* warmer. And after 5 hours, the Hydro Flask was still 115*, the Klean Kanteen was only 100*. Kanteen vs Hydro Flask

Klean Kanteen vs Hydro Flask

     Omni Heat- Amazing technology by Columbia Sportswear.

Omni-Heat is a thermal reflective and insulated liner, that came inside a Columbia Whirlibird jacket I recently ordered. The Jacket also has Omni-Tech, a waterproof/breathable critically seam sealed shell.  Perfect for skiing or snowboarding. Great for any outdoor winter activity…  But be careful, more than one layer of Omni-Heat might be too much.  I found myself peeling layers when we were snowshoeing and I had Omni-Heat base layers, and a jacket and hoodie on.  This stuff really works.


     Tubbs Snow shoes- These were supplied to everyone who joined us for our ORshow adventure.  We were all given a pair to demo for the afternoon around Silver Lake near Brighton, Utah.  I chose the Tubbs Wilderness Snowshoe.  As soon as I strapped them to my feet, I noticed 2 things, much easier to get bound up than my Atlas pair, and much lighter.  The shoes actually worked great the entire hike, I’m sure everyone involved was more than please with them. Snowshoe with Tubbs

Group Snowshoe with Tubbstubbs snowshoes

     Teton Sports- Teton was nice enough to not only setup the snowshoe, but hook everyone up with a Teton Summit 1500 pack and hydration bladder.  The Summit 1500 comes hydration ready, and will fit a 2-liter bladder.  With multiple pockets & pouches, also several gear loops, this day pack is great for hiking, day climbing or even light/over night canyoneering. And also comes with a storm–proof zipper and water–resistant liner/cover.  As a guest of Teton to the ORshow, I was able to check out their showroom.  And I was very impressed with their Trailhead sleeping bag, with a built in foot box and still weighing in below 3 lbs., it looks extremely comfy.  And the Outfitter XXL Quick Tent has a quick up hub system, making set up in seconds.  A great 1 man tent for over night back country hiking and canyoneering, weighing in at only 4.3 lbs. AMAZING! peek at Teton tent and sleeping bag

sneek peek at Teton tent and sleeping bag

     Keen Hiking Boots- Keen had an awesome sale at the Orshow, $40 for boots priced at $135 retail.  I was able to score a pair of the Keen Bryce Mid WP’s, which is good, cause I’ve been in need of some durable hiking boots.  I have yet been able to test them on a trail, due to all the snow we’ve recently gotten in Utah.  But plan on doing so time and again when the winter breaks.  I can tell you this, they are extremely comfortable.

Goal Zero- Great products that I was familiar with before the ORshow.  Last  summer at the Warped tour, I purchased a Guide 10 plus battery pack, and later a Nomad 7 solar panel.  I have used both in the backcountry to keep my phone and camera charged.  The battery pack will hold a charge for over a week if not used, and will charge your phone 1-3 times before needing a recharge.  And on a clear sunny day, the solar panel can charge your phone in about 2 hours.  Both products are light and definitely worth taking a look at for all your back country adventures.  You should also check out the Yeti 1250 solar generator, completely silent and safe to run indoors because there is no fuel and no exhaust gases.

American Backcountry t-shirts- We were lucky enough to run into the folks from American Backcountry, and they hooked us up with the most comfortable t-shirt I’ve ever climbed in.  I can’t wait to see how awesome it works on long backcountry hikes.  Great looking graphics, and top quality “moisture wicking” apparel. backcountry

Other Products of note:

Millet- Makes some super aggressive, power bouldering/sport climbing shoes, the Myo.  As well as many other summer and winter sport products. myo

Camp-  Photon express nylon quick draws are sweet.  I like them enough, I’m considering investing in an entirely new rack this season.  And weighing in at just under 3 oz each, seems great for aggressive, short, pumpy sport routes.  Not to mention their line of harnesses and ice climbing gear.

Sterling- Pretty much the only climbing ropes I choose to climb on.  When I made it to sterling’s booth, the rep was cool enough to give me a sweet pint glass, and a pro deal from their website. ropes

The one product I was most excited to discover was the Biolite.  A portable camp stove, that takes the twigs you find on the trail for fuel, and can charge your phone with a USB port.  Helps you be environmentally responsible by using renewable resources.  And will be good at home if you ever lose power… Cook and charge gadgets.

As I walked into the Outdoor Retailers show, I realized one major thing, these are my people.  This is the place I belong, I felt completely at home.  Happy to be somewhere, that people understand why it is what I do…  Why I want to go the places I go…  What I’m talking about when I speak of an environmentally responsible lifestyle…  And I came to a conclusion, I am not currently doing what I want to do with my life.  At least not career wise…  In the end, I’ll keep pushing and building toward some kind of future that involves more outdoor adventuring than I currently am getting.  And remember, Get Outdoors

Sasha Digiulian & me

Sasha Digiulian & me

Lynn Hill with Haley

Lynn Hill with Haley

Shawn Parry Red Carpet moment

Shawn Parry Red Carpet moment