I believe in the notion that people are mostly good. That we all want to help our fellow-man and be a part of their success… If only for a moment. You see, when we help people, it makes us feel pretty good about ourselves. We see something about our inner soul that speaks to us. It reaches in ways we could never have expected. So I write this blog with plans for the future. And in my excitement, I feel like sharing.
If ever there was someone who needed a place to find perspective, I believe I am that person. I feel the 9 to 5 world is breaking me down. Erasing the caring person I know I can be. And I don’t like the person I am becoming. I had turned my back on life. Forgotten all that I had once held dear, The things I had lived so passionately for. Taking for granted all the blessings that have been bestowed upon me. I really just believe I need to get away and see the struggles that pertain to more than the first world problems.
And above all, I seek solitude, an opportunity to erase the pain I’ve carried for far too long. The moment when I find peace in a life filled with turmoil and destruction… Am I reaching ? Chasing an empty dream? Maybe… Or maybe I’ll lift the weight I’ve become so accustom to bear.
I awake to an awkward flash of repetition. I dread the day. In fact, I dread the week. Looking forward only to select moments I spend day dreaming of the future. A time when I awake to a brisk morning hike, or spend the evening climbing routes only to leave the crag late and exit the trail guided by my headlamp. I envision a future where my trailer is parked near the beach, and a morning run through the cool sand is my routine. Living on a shoestring, chasing a dream that doesn’t end in a 9 to 5. And I wonder… Will this ever be my reality?
I have reached many goals in life and accomplished much. But still my heart lies unfulfilled, and my dreams seem bigger than my grasp. I am lost in the civilized world, unable to share the notion that normalcy is enough. Making my way to work on a daily, contemplating the reality that I should be thankful to just have a job. For many people don’t. But I’m actually thankful I have a dream… A dream bigger than myself. A dream that one day I can live minimal, traveling on a shoelace. With enough time to stop and smell the flowers, capturing moments in my heart and memories filling up my head. I dream of freedom. Freedom from society, freedom from responsibility, freedom to live how I choose and choose each day in a moment.
My mind splits into a notion where I can be the one who finds happiness in my dreams. And chase a future so distant, that at this moment looks infantile. But I believe… And belief created of the heart is stronger than the knowledge that occupies our minds. They call it a leap of faith… I say it’s that moment of clarity. Where everything is so crystal clear, you actually see yourself for the first time. And the vision is beautiful.
In the future, life will consist of never knowing where I am going… Awaking to bright, new visions each day. A change of scenery, zero security and stress levels at an all time low. I will not worry about the future, just the moment. Each day leading into what happens the next. In just about 6 years, I will have fulfilled my obligations. My children will be grown, ready to move into college or work. I plan to be debt free, except my house, and well on my way to living in the moment.
But first things first, as of now, my initial step will involve some volunteer work. Possibly the peace corps, definitely something overseas. A place where I can hopefully make a difference, give back and maybe even help shape a life. Sounds strange huh? I long for freedom, yet want to sign up for work..? I believe it will humble me, inform me, and in the long run create a better person. This is where I will find perspective and see another side of the world.
If/or when I return, this will be my time to dirtbag it. Travel the country side climbing and hiking. Living the dream… Working to get by, not worrying about the future, focus on the now. I want to see the world, I long to live for what I’m passionate about. I want to meet new and interesting people. I want to experience life from outside the box. I want freedom…