Over the past six months or so, I’ve had a lot of time to think and contemplate a few things. Like whether or not I wanted to continue blogging. Or pushing for ambassadorship was still worth all the time spent doing so? Even gear reviews were just feeling so overwhelming. I was feeling like there was too much to do, not enough time to do it, and I wasn’t all together sure that the payoff was worth it anymore.
I know what you’re thinking. If I felt this way, why not make it fun again? Or why not just quit? Why say anything at all? Put it in writing no less? Maybe companies would shy away from me. Not want me to be part of their team, give me gear reviews. I mean why be Syked on someone who’s no longer Syked on the industry…? The industry that I love. All the amazing people. The outstanding companies. Why would I be feeling this way?
I’m not trying to sound unappreciative of these opportunities. I just realized I got caught up in all there was to offer. And forgot why I began down this road in the first place. It all boils down to one thing. My battle with depression and the feeling of self-doubt. Yes, I have fought a battle with depression for as long as I can remember. And the absolute BEST medicine for me is friends, family, people I love to be around. Doing the things I love. That is being outside, fresh air, living what the industry represents.
I felt I was working more than having fun. This has become a job I clock my time card in everyday. Like I had to make good that I was “doing something” “getting outside”. HEY! Look at me! I’m outdoors. Rather than experiencing. I wanted to do Epic Shit! Not talk about doing Epic Shit. I want to push my limits. Strive to go farther. Be bolder. Live… I want to truly live. And it made me sad. Sad that I was climbing and adventuring to impress, to get noticed, so I could prove I was doing stuff.
It’s nothing anyone else made me feel, not like I was pressured by companies or anything. It’s just the way my mind works. It’s like that old book “Don’t sweat the small stuff”. None of it seems small to me. I see an obstacle, and it looks like a boulder. Funny thing is, outside that Boulder looks “climbable”.
I just didn’t want the things I love to become nothing but work. I already have a job, this was supposed to be my fun time. So I stopped writing, and started focusing on what brought me to this industry. My passion… I began training, climbing, and dropping into slot canyons. I bought a road bike, a long board and traveled. Sometimes alone, sometimes with my boys and sometimes with friends. I began learning about photography, navigation and regained my Syke.
I had a moment of clarity. Realizing how much I love talking about my adventures with people, I might as well write about them, share them. It’s time to dust off the old blog and start writing again. I hope my readers are still looking forward to viewing it. The future includes trip reports through slot canyons, Canada and climbing. Training, on how I built my climbing woodie and training center in my garage. Gear reviews and maybe even some recipes. So keep reading, and I’ll start writing again.